


Ten Seconds

by perrysghost



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M, he’s remembering all the good times he had with neil, i wrote half of this tipsy sorry, it’s new year’s eve and todd is counting down to the new year, they were boyfriends because i said so, thought i’d make your day by writing something happy but sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28351317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perrysghost/pseuds/perrysghost
Summary: Ten seconds. That was all that was left of the year and Todd couldn’t wait for it to be over. He just wanted to start over again; a new year, a new life and a new Todd.
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	Ten Seconds

**Author's Note:**

> this one goes out to campitts nation for being the coolest group of people i know :)
> 
> also i wrote this on google docs all in one night so if there’s any spelling mistakes just ignore them its almost 3am

TEN

“Hey! I hear we’re gonna be roommates. I’m Neil Perry.”  
“Todd Anderson.”

To say he was nervous would be an understatement. Todd Anderson was absolutely terrified. He was familiar with the school, having been forced to visit his older brother many times throughout the last few years, but if the rest of the students of Welton were like his brother, Todd was guaranteed to hate it. 

All his brother seemed to do there was study and excel in everything, however, the same couldn’t be said for Todd. He knew he wasn’t dumb, but he didn’t think he was overly smart. He was just average; he never thought there was anything special about himself. 

Todd had expected the boy, who he now knew was called Neil Perry, to be arrogant just like his brother, so his soft voice and welcoming introduction had come as a surprise. He had been worrying about what his roommate would be like ever since he found out he would be attending Welton, but as soon as he met Neil he knew there was something different about him and he knew that they would get along just fine. 

Todd didn’t say much on the walk up to their room, he was too focused on looking at his new roommate, who he already found quite attractive despite only knowing him for a few minutes. He took notice of Neil’s eyes and the way they sparkled as though they each contained the stars in the night sky, he took notice of how Neil was slightly taller than him and how his entire face lit up when he spoke about something he was passionate about. 

He wasn’t quite sure what it was about Neil Perry that interested him, but Todd knew that he wanted to keep him in his life for as long as possible. 

NINE

Chemistry. The subject that Todd hated and Neil was forced to like, so studying for a chemistry exam wasn’t either of their favourite things to do. There was nothing they hated more than being forced to learn about hydrocarbons or molecular bonding; it just didn’t make any sense to Todd and Neil would much rather be at dinner with his father (which really was saying something).

The pair sat at their desks with their backs facing each other as they worked in silence, the only sound being the occasional turning of a page. Todd had been trying to solve a question for at least ten minutes, but he wasn’t getting anywhere and he was becoming more frustrated by the second. 

“Hey, Neil?” he asked, hoping he wasn’t annoying his roommate. 

“What’s up Toddy?” Neil replied, his nickname for his friend making Todd’s face heat up as he prayed that it wasn’t obvious he was blushing. 

“It’s this question. I’ve tried and tried and I just can’t understand it and what if it’s in the exam tomorrow and I get it wrong and-“ Todd rambled, not even realising he was talking at a hundred miles an hour. 

“Todd, calm down okay- you’re going to be just fine.” He reassured his friend as he made his way over to Todd’s desk which was covered in sheets of paper. He didn’t understand how anyone could work with a desk that untidy, but it worked for Todd and that’s all that mattered. “What question was it? I’ll see if I can help.”

Neil pulled his chair up right next to Todd to help him with the question, but they ended up sitting there for hours studying together. The rest of the night was a blur and all Todd could think of was how close his best friend was sitting to him as he prayed that he wasn’t blushing enough for Neil to notice. 

EIGHT

Todd had walked into their room to see Neil pacing and mumbling to himself. Considering Neil never did this unless he was really stressed over something, it worried Todd. 

“Neil? Is everything okay? Did something happen?” 

Neil stopped pacing and looked up at Todd, a look of panic across his face. “Oh.. yeah Toddy I’m fine- just um.. thinking.” He replied, the unsure tone in his voice not even convincing himself, never mind Todd. 

“Neil, seriously what’s wrong? You hardly ever get this worked up over anything.”

Neil struggled to put a sentence together before stopping, looking up at Todd. 

“Do you want to go out on Friday?”

Silence. To say Todd was shocked would be an understatement. Neil Perry had just asked him out on a date. Or was it a date? Was he reading into it too much? No, it had to be a date- why else would he be getting so worked up over asking him. But what if-

“Todd?” Neil broke him from his thoughts, his voice barely a whisper. “I’m sorry if that was too much. I wasn’t thinking straight and-“

“What time?” Todd grinned. 

Neil stood there in shock for a few seconds before it hit him. He was going on a date with Todd Anderson. 

Todd may have looked happy on the outside, but on the inside he was ecstatic; he couldn’t think about anything but their date. And at that moment he couldn't think about anyone but Neil. 

SEVEN

“The stars are so pretty tonight”

Neil turned to look at Todd. They had been to dinner earlier that night and now they were back at Welton, sat on the roof and looking up at the stars. They had been sat in comfortable silence, enjoying being in each other’s presence. Todd turned over and smiled at Neil. He never wanted this moment to end

“You look prettier.” Todd replied, cringing after realising just how cheesy that was. 

Neil let out a soft giggle that melted Todd’s heart. He’d never heart Neil laugh like that, but he loved it. 

“You’re so cheesy, but I love it,” Neil smiled, “I love you.”

Todd froze. He didn’t know how to react. No one had ever told him they loved him before. Todd didn’t realise he was crying until he felt Neil wiping away a few stray tears from his cheeks. 

“I love you too, Neil. More than you could ever know.”

SIX

It was Todd’s birthday. He hated his birthday. To him, it was just another day. It was nothing special. For the last four years all his parents had given him was the exact same desk set. He didn’t even like it the first time, although his parents wouldn’t know that as they didn’t even call him. There was never a card, never a phone call, there was no ‘we miss you Todd’, not even a ‘happy birthday!’. It was safe to say that Todd hated his birthday. 

He had received his present just after dinner and gone outside to open it. He’d gone to his quiet place; a place that not many people ever went to. It was where he could be alone with his thoughts. Where no one could see him cry. 

At some point, while Todd had been sat there thinking to himself, Neil had spotted him and walked over to the boy who was sat leaning against a wall. 

“Todd?” he was broken from his thoughts by the voice of his boyfriend. “Hey!”

“Hey.” he replied, clearly not sharing the same enthusiasm as Neil. 

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing..” he began, seeing Neil look over to the opened desk set sat beside him. “It’s my birthday.”

“Is today your birthday?” Neil asked, shocked that no one had told him. “Happy birthday!” He added, his gentle voice calming Todd. 

“Thanks..”

“What’d you get?” Neil asked, clearly trying to lighten the mood of their conversation. 

“My parents gave me this.” Todd began, looking over at the desk set. 

“Isn’t this the same desk s-“

“Yeah,” Todd interrupted, “they gave me the same thing as last year. And the year before that. And, believe it or not, the year before that as well.” He added, his voice laced with disappointment. 

Although he was trying to hide it, Todd looked as though he was going to cry and Neil had picked up on it. He didn’t know what to say, but he so desperately wanted to put a smile on Todd’s face. 

“Oh..” he began, searching for something to say, “maybe they thought you needed another one!” 

This made Todd laugh and a wave of relief washed over Neil. 

“Maybe they weren’t thinking about anything at all.” Todd looked away, not wanting to meet Neil’s eyes. Knowing that Neil didn’t know what to say, he tried to make a joke out of it, just like Neil had. “The funny thing is, I didn’t even like it the first time!” 

This made Neil laugh, an idea forming in his mind. “Todd, I think you’re underestimating the value of this desk set..”

And that was how Todd’s desk set became the world’s first unmanned flying desk set. 

No matter how upset or lonely Todd felt, Neil could always find a way to make him smile; a way to make him forget about everything wrong with his life and just focus on the two of them at that very moment. Together. In love.

FIVE

The small opening in the ceiling was the only thing the two had to illuminate the cave, moonlight dancing across their faces as they moved around. Neil had two weeks until the play, so he’d be spending more and more time at rehearsals and less time with Todd. This was his way of making up for the amount of time he was away from his boyfriend. They were having a midnight picnic just because they could. Todd loved it when Neil decided to do things like this; he had always admired how Neil could just do things without a reason. 

They weren’t doing anything in particular. The couple were sat in each other’s arms, Todd’s head resting on Neil’s chest as he listened to his boyfriend’s steady heartbeat. He could get used to this. It was so peaceful; Todd and Neil against the world. It was times like these when Todd felt like they could do anything they wanted, like they were unstoppable. 

Usually when Todd was sat in silence it was at dinner with his parents, but this silence was different. Instead of the painfully awkward silence that he was often subjected to, this silence was comforting. It felt like a warm blanket covering the couple. It made Todd feel safe. 

Neil made Todd feel safe. 

FOUR

The third crash of thunder in ten minutes was the last straw for Todd. He hated thunderstorms. In fact, he hated all loud noises, but thunderstorms most of all because there was nothing he could do to get rid of them apart from waiting them out. 

Without even thinking about what he was doing, Todd quietly got out of bed and shuffled over to Neil, climbing into bed with his boyfriend in the hopes that he would help calm him down. Despite the fact that Neil was asleep, Todd still began to calm down, simply being close to Neil melted all his anxiety away. 

As yet another clap of thunder sounded and echoed around their room, Todd squeezed his eyes shut and snuggled close to Neil, his boyfriend’s arm wrapping around him as though it was natural for him. Todd’s heart warmed as he realised that protecting Todd and making sure he felt safe was natural to Neil; he didn’t even have to think about it anymore. He protected his boyfriend even in his sleep. 

At some point during the night Todd had drifted off to sleep and by the time Neil woke, the storm had stopped. He noticed the Todd shaped lump in the bed beside him and realised that he had gotten into bed with him during the night, usually indicating that there had been a storm or he’d had a nightmare. 

Looking down at Todd peacefully cuddled into his side, it was at this point that Neil Perry realised that he would do anything for Todd Anderson. 

THREE

“Todd what if I’m not good enough? What if I forget my lines? What if-“

“Neil, darling,” Todd began, moving over to his boyfriend and placing his hands on his arms to get his attention, “you’re the most incredible actor I know of. You’re going to be amazing!”

Neil glanced down at the floor, his anxiety making him think of all the worst possible scenarios. “But what if I-“

“No.” Todd cut him off. He had always hated hearing Neil talk about himself negatively. In his eyes, there wasn’t a single fault with Neil, not a single thing that anyone could criticise. He was perfect. “Neil, you’ve been rehearsing non-stop for weeks- hell, you knew all your lines off by heart after less than a week. I have never seen anyone so dedicated to anything before. You’re going to be amazing, okay.” 

“I just,” his voice was barely a whisper, “I’ve wanted this for as long as I can remember. I’ve always wanted to act and this could be my only chance to do this. I can’t mess this up, Todd. I just can’t.” 

Despite only knowing Neil for a few months, Todd could see just how much he wanted this. It really did mean everything to him and he wanted to do everything in his power to make sure that Neil got the chance to live his dream at least once. 

He would have given everything just to let Neil live the life he wanted to live; to give him the chance to take his life back from the iron grip of his father. 

He really did love Neil more than anything. 

TWO

Neil had been incredible. He had captured the hearts of everyone in the theatre. There wasn’t a single person in the room who wasn’t captivated by his performance. Neil had really put everything he had into this play and Todd couldn’t have been more proud. 

However, this feeling wasn’t meant to last much longer. Todd hadn’t even had the chance to go backstage to congratulate his boyfriend before he saw Mr Perry dragging his son out of the theatre. A feeling of dread washed over the boy as he pushed past people in an attempt to make it out of the theatre in time to say goodbye to his boyfriend, but by the time he made it out, Neil had already been shut in the back of his car. 

Their eyes met and Neil could feel the worry radiating from his boyfriend. He couldn’t say anything that would make their situation any better, so he did the second best thing and mouthed ‘I love you’ through the window before the car began to drive off. 

The last thing he saw of Todd was his worried face as he mouthed ‘I love you too’ back at his boyfriend. 

For the rest of the night, Todd couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt for not standing up to Mr Perry, the feeling of worry as he knew just how awful Neil’s father could be and the feeling of dread as though he knew that there was no good outcome for Neil. 

ONE

“Todd.” A shaky voice whispered as Charlie shook Todd in an attempt to wake him up. “Todd.” 

Todd stirred, but turned over in an attempt to shake his friend off him. “Oh, Charlie..” He murmured, just wanting to go back to sleep. 

When Charlie persisted with his attempts to wake his friend up, Todd opened his eyes and froze when he saw the tears streaming down his face. “What is it?” He asked, his voice laced with concern as he propped himself up on his elbows. 

Todd looked across the room from Charlie to see Putts, Meeks and Knox stood at the door, their faces displaying looks of disbelief, shock and grief. The silence in the room was not like any other silence Todd had felt before; it was thick, it was suffocating him. 

“Neil’s dead.” we’re the last words Todd heard before his whole world came crashing down before his eyes. 

He had lost his best friend; the one person who understood him like no one else, the person who was always there for him and had never stopped caring about him from the first day they met. 

He had lost his soulmate; the only person who had ever told him they loved him, the one person who always knew how to comfort him and make him feel safe, the one person who had promised to never leave him. 

He had lost his family; with this news not only had Todd lost his boyfriend, but he had lost his friends as well. When he felt his world crashing down, he knew that the group of people he had grown to love and call his family would never be the same again. 

Nothing would ever be the same again. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR

“Happy New Year, Neil.” Todd whispered, looking up at the stars where he knew his soulmate was looking down on him. “You really have changed my life.”

Todd didn’t go home that Christmas, instead deciding to do what Neil had always wanted to to and spend it in New York. Despite the city being full of people rushing to their families to celebrate the new year, Todd had still managed to find a rooftop that was empty so he could be alone with his thoughts for a few minutes. 

“Even though you’re not sitting here with me, I know that you’ll never leave me. You’ll always be in my heart. I have never met anyone as incredible as you, Neil. I’d never met anyone who actually loved me until I met you.” He hadn’t even realised that his face was wet with tears, although it had been the best year of Todd Anderson’s life, it had also been the most painful. 

“Remember how we planned to spend New Years together in New York? Well, we finally did. It’s just me and you against the world. You’d have loved it here, Neil, you really would have. This city is full of people just like you; people with hopes and dreams, people who are living their life the way they want to, people who are free. Now, I guess, you really are free. No one can stop you now.” He was rambling, not caring about anything else apart from talking to Neil, holding on to the last sliver of hope and praying that his soulmate could hear him. 

Todd was desperate. He so desperately wanted to believe that Neil was there with him just like he had promised they would be. 

“In the days since you died, I really did realise just how much I took you for granted; your constant kindness, always reassuring me that I would be okay, your comfort, your promises. You really did give everything for me, Neil and I never got to thank you for it. I never got to say goodbye…”

And with that, Todd laid back on the concrete roof, watching the fireworks and sobbing, wishing that he could bring Neil back for just one more minute. All he wanted was to say goodbye to the man who changed his life forever; all he wanted to do was thank him for being the only person to believe that he could do anything and not let anything hold him back. 

Neil had made it his mission to make sure Todd became the man he knew that he could be, so now Todd had made it his mission to make sure Neil still lived his dreams, no matter where he was. 

“Here’s to the best year of my life; the year I met my soulmate. I will never stop loving you, Neil Perry.”

**Author's Note:**

> heyyyy so yeah .. i appear to be incapable of writing anything with a happy ending so sorry about that. i really hope you enjoyed it though :)
> 
> feel free to follow me on twitter @idlyella :))


End file.
